- - = = Racing = = - -

It's a simple thing
how I feel about you
but kind of hard to explain
I could explain it better
maybe
with a background of Coltrane
or while frying some chicken
with you
sittin at the kitchen table
watching me
cook
both of us getting hot
in that kitchen
It's a simple thing
how i feel about you
but kind of hard to explain
sometimes its easier to just
talk
about measures of
emotion
and pain
I dont know
maybe it's silly to try and define
feelings
when it's clear
we're on each others mind
and moments in time
remain
frozen
like the left side of my bed
when your not here
and when you are here
i keep looking at you
searching your face
so as not to forget
your eyes
your lips
your beard.......tracing
the side of your cheek
and thinking.......
there's nothing more romantic
than my ear against your chest
hearing your heartbeat......
racing.

© Chase

Full Grown

Full Grown

From a nappy headed little boy,
playing with his toys.
To a hard headed thug,
running with the big boys.
I gave you everything,
I tried to keep it true...
but nothing I had to say,
was getting thru to you.
I took you in my home,
when Mom and dad split up.
At that time you were just a kid,
swearing to God you were grown up.
I put clothes on your back,
meals on the table.....
tried to keep you clean and honest,
as much as I was able.
You started running with the local
neighborhood thug life crew.....
I tried to hold you down,
teach you everything I knew.
But you didn't want to hear it,
thought you knew it all.....
I knew your street ambitions
would only lead up to your fall.
But who was I to say?
Just your big Sis, just your fam...
I wasn't Mom, I wasn't Dad,
so you didn't give a damn.
No matter how I tried,
to make you see the light....
You went from selling drugs
robbing folks
and finally
took a life.
It hurt a lot inside me,
I had to cope with the guilt and strain....
I could look right inside you,
and see through the anger to the pain.
I knew that there was more inside,
that you had so much to give.
But I couldn't give you a life,
that you didn't want to live.
I look back sometimes,
and still see my baby bro....
I still love the smiles and laughter
of the boy I used to know.
But you've grown into a man now,
all of your thug dreams realized.
Locked behind metal bars
with bricks reflected in your eyes.
A waste of true potential,
a loss to your family and me.
I always wonder if you think about
your life if you were free.
I ask God to keep you safe
and help you make it on your own,
I did what I could when you were young
but I can't do anymore, you're a man now......full grown.

--==For my little brother Nelson,
who won't be with us this Christmas,
nor for many more to come.