Full Grown

Full Grown

From a nappy headed little boy,
playing with his toys.
To a hard headed thug,
running with the big boys.
I gave you everything,
I tried to keep it true...
but nothing I had to say,
was getting thru to you.
I took you in my home,
when Mom and dad split up.
At that time you were just a kid,
swearing to God you were grown up.
I put clothes on your back,
meals on the table.....
tried to keep you clean and honest,
as much as I was able.
You started running with the local
neighborhood thug life crew.....
I tried to hold you down,
teach you everything I knew.
But you didn't want to hear it,
thought you knew it all.....
I knew your street ambitions
would only lead up to your fall.
But who was I to say?
Just your big Sis, just your fam...
I wasn't Mom, I wasn't Dad,
so you didn't give a damn.
No matter how I tried,
to make you see the light....
You went from selling drugs
robbing folks
and finally
took a life.
It hurt a lot inside me,
I had to cope with the guilt and strain....
I could look right inside you,
and see through the anger to the pain.
I knew that there was more inside,
that you had so much to give.
But I couldn't give you a life,
that you didn't want to live.
I look back sometimes,
and still see my baby bro....
I still love the smiles and laughter
of the boy I used to know.
But you've grown into a man now,
all of your thug dreams realized.
Locked behind metal bars
with bricks reflected in your eyes.
A waste of true potential,
a loss to your family and me.
I always wonder if you think about
your life if you were free.
I ask God to keep you safe
and help you make it on your own,
I did what I could when you were young
but I can't do anymore, you're a man now......full grown.

--==For my little brother Nelson,
who won't be with us this Christmas,
nor for many more to come.