~ Rest In Reason, Move in Passion ~ (My Poetry Blog)

Prince of Tears

2005-11-01T22:21:00.000-08:00

PRINCE OF TEARS

What name could I bestow on you?
On such a master of the emotional changes,
I thought could only happen in another lifetime.

What title could hold steadfast,
with the complex chain of tests you take an emotional heart thru . . .

A heart that ends up beating, only to serve you.

I've known some who've survived your web/bed.

And some of the unlucky who didn't.

And when it was my turn,

And you dealt your seductive hand,

As much as I tried to resist your desert,
I sank deeper in the sand.

Despite all the denial,
Through my disappointment, painful desolation and fears.
I now understand why you've been given the crown of . . .

PRINCE OF TEARS

. . . A kingdom made of the lost water, of lovers cast away.

Truly the PRINCE OF TEARS,

with robes of broken hearts,
and bodies lain at the foot of your cold-hearted throne.

Still . . . I can't help but love you, dear.

You, my PRINCE OF TEARS.

Even though now I know better, At least I know why I should.
I don't think you would really share love, even if you could.

And if I said I don't want the comfort, of the pain you inflict so well,
I'd be lying to myself, never uttering a word in my own defense.

Though my reaction alone

Even the deaf, dumb and blind, would know . . .

could sense.

So, despite all the denial,

Through my disappointment, painful desolation and fears . . . .

I have given you the crown of the

PRINCE OF TEARS.

1990

Strangers

2005-11-01T22:17:00.000-08:00

*just posting this i realized with a start...this poem is over 10 years old...shit im getting old....

Strangers

It happened again . . .
You went and changed into two different men.
One I know, and one I don't.

Don't try to tell me, "It happens sometimes".
I'm not judging you for former crimes.
Just don't act like it's nothing.

I've been there before, and I think I deserve more.
I've looked at the face of love . . .
And felt overcome, with a force beyond myself.

I've looked upon that same face . . . turned into anger,
Turned into a stranger . . . You don't know him I tell myself.

One thing I know, is it's hard to change . . .
It's hard to win.
Then you went and made us strangers again.

Don't be afraid to love, I told myself.
People can change, with a little help.

Just pass me gun, or a knife, or a rope . . .
I'd rather die by my own hand,
Than to die by the hand of love without hope.

Everything's fine when the sun shines,
Then the rain comes down and winter sets in.

I can deal with the rain, it always passes,
then the sun comes out again.

But I can't deal with winter,
with coldness I can't win.

I need to know your there . . .

That there's a sign of summer somewhere.

That in the middle of the pouring rain,

you won't turn to ice.

Won't turn away. Will stay my friend.

God knows I don't want us to wind up . . . strangers again.

9/6/94

4 letter word

2005-11-01T22:15:00.000-08:00

I strain to explain my need to be near you
I start to explode, as I try not to hear you.
You try to convince me, but I need to be heard,
to me love is just a four letter word.

6/27/94

Cool Water

2005-10-31T00:16:00.000-08:00

Cool Water

I found out your lies,

now my heart beats like broken butterflies.

my voice sounds like shattered glass,

eyelashes like blades of grass

with morning dew, balanced on the tips

waiting to drip,

on cheeks like peaches flesh.

I needed you like the ocean needs the rain

yet you refused to ease my pain

i begged you not to watch me drown

dont take pride in putting me down.

now i scream uncertain curses at your back

and i've made up my mind

in fact

hate is an insufficient word

revenge feels much more real

despite the fact that i cant touch what i feel

i'll know my satisfaction,

will overcome my fears

and I'll seek my retribution

despite the cool water of my tears.

This is Not About You

2005-10-31T00:14:00.000-08:00

This is Not About You

This is not about you

I know you think it is....

but it aint.

(and dont be correctin my english)

This ain't about how

you leave the seat up

or dont put the cap on the toothpaste

This is not about you

I know you think it is....

but your wrong.

It's not about

how its been so long

since we had anything good to say

to each other

how we watch tv to

avoid conversation,

and read the paper while we eat.

This is not about you

not about how you disregard

any self worth I once had

or how you talk down to me

so down

that I feel like

I'm about as tall as the curb.

This is not about you,

and your stinky socks,

sloppy closet,

smart mouth,

football watchin,

non cooking,

lyin ass,

self.

This is not about you....

It's about me

and what the hell am i doing still here?

- - = = Racing = = - -

2005-10-19T23:50:00.000-07:00

It's a simple thing
how I feel about you
but kind of hard to explain
I could explain it better
maybe
with a background of Coltrane
or while frying some chicken
with you
sittin at the kitchen table
watching me
cook
both of us getting hot
in that kitchen
It's a simple thing
how i feel about you
but kind of hard to explain
sometimes its easier to just
talk
about measures of
emotion
and pain
I dont know
maybe it's silly to try and define
feelings
when it's clear
we're on each others mind
and moments in time
remain
frozen
like the left side of my bed
when your not here
and when you are here
i keep looking at you
searching your face
so as not to forget
your eyes
your lips
your beard.......tracing
the side of your cheek
and thinking.......
there's nothing more romantic
than my ear against your chest
hearing your heartbeat......
racing.

Full Grown

2005-10-19T23:46:00.000-07:00

Full Grown

From a nappy headed little boy,
playing with his toys.
To a hard headed thug,
running with the big boys.
I gave you everything,
I tried to keep it true...
but nothing I had to say,
was getting thru to you.
I took you in my home,
when Mom and dad split up.
At that time you were just a kid,
swearing to God you were grown up.
I put clothes on your back,
meals on the table.....
tried to keep you clean and honest,
as much as I was able.
You started running with the local
neighborhood thug life crew.....
I tried to hold you down,
teach you everything I knew.
But you didn't want to hear it,
thought you knew it all.....
I knew your street ambitions
would only lead up to your fall.
But who was I to say?
Just your big Sis, just your fam...
I wasn't Mom, I wasn't Dad,
so you didn't give a damn.
No matter how I tried,
to make you see the light....
You went from selling drugs
robbing folks
and finally
took a life.
It hurt a lot inside me,
I had to cope with the guilt and strain....
I could look right inside you,
and see through the anger to the pain.
I knew that there was more inside,
that you had so much to give.
But I couldn't give you a life,
that you didn't want to live.
I look back sometimes,
and still see my baby bro....
I still love the smiles and laughter
of the boy I used to know.
But you've grown into a man now,
all of your thug dreams realized.
Locked behind metal bars
with bricks reflected in your eyes.
A waste of true potential,
a loss to your family and me.
I always wonder if you think about
your life if you were free.
I ask God to keep you safe
and help you make it on your own,
I did what I could when you were young
but I can't do anymore, you're a man now......full grown.

--==For my little brother Nelson,
who won't be with us this Christmas,
nor for many more to come.